The melting point

Entry by: Sadaf Haseeb

For THE SUBMISSION JOURNAL

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I used to cry and feel suffocated at times. I wasn't ready to accept the will of Allah

I still remember how landing in Pakistan in January 2012 changed my life 180°.

I was born into a luxurious life, travelled the world. And I thought that's how life will always be be, having fun, travelling, and living life on my own terms.

Our move to Pakistan was due to my husband's job, how it will shape me into the person that I am today was unknown to me.

The Pakistani joint family that I moved into i.e., my in-laws, had a lot of expectations from me considering the fact that I was the eldest bahu.

Although very loving at the same time, their continuous criticism of my lifestyle was creating rifts in my and my husband's relationship. Being under the microscope most of the time was taking a toll on me.

Men behave differently when they are in front of their family. I remember having heated arguments with my in-laws on useless topics. I wanted to win every argument and prove others wrong. My heart was full of ego. The feeling of helplessness was also affecting my health.

Each day, there was a new struggle I had to face; it was becoming unbearable for me to live in the same house as those who didn’t understand me. At times, I used to cry and feel suffocated. I wasn't ready to accept the will of Allah that this is how my life will be and that I can’t go back to my old lifestyle.

Life was getting tougher, and to make things worse, we experienced heavy losses in our family business. So there were troubles of all sorts, health, social, emotional, and now financial.

There was one neighbor of mine, she was a sweet and friendly lady. She used to hold a Dars e Quran at her home every Tuesday. Whenever she saw me in the street, she'd invite me for Dars. To which I would just smile and say to myself, "No way I'm not going there, I don't want to become a Ninja".

I would convince myself not to go for Dars by thinking that I have already read the translation of the Quran and read namaz, what more is there to Islam?

But on her insistence, I decided to attend the Dars. I still remember walking into the room full of modestly covered ladies listening to a very soft-spoken Ustazha. I was surprised at what she was explaining, they were the ayahs of Surah Hujraat on the rights of people (haqooq al ibaad). Those ayahs touched my heart, and something in me started to change.

As if a chemical reaction was taking place in my heart, but in a spiritual way.

It was the melting point – that the divine words of the Quran melted the shield of ego, and arrogance in my heart.

The Ustazha began to further explain, and I had tears in my eyes. It was like the mirror was shown to me, which revealed the ugliness in my character. How was my behavior towards the people around me?

I realized what Allah wanted from me. From then onwards, my journey to self-correction and getting to know my Rabb started. The Quran pulled me towards itself, and I tried not to miss the Dars at any cost. I felt peace in these sessions as my Rabb communicated with me through these classes.

The reality struck me that there’s so much damage that’s been done, but it’s never too late to repent and accept your mistakes. I knew I was wrong and others were wrong too, but I could only change myself, and that's exactly what I did. I repented to Allah for being ungrateful for His infinite blessings, then I made positive changes in my life, got enrolled in Islamic courses, tried to portray the best of manners, and started giving and helping people rather than expecting from them. I surrendered to the will of Allah, I prayed to Allah to give me patience.

Slowly and steadily, the people around me became close to me, their criticism changed into praise, and the circumstances became bearable. I submitted to the Will of Allah and was blessed with the gift of contentment.

So today people praise me for how drastically I changed, but it was never for the praise that I changed. I changed because my Rabb wanted me to change, I changed because Ihad no reason to be ungrateful, I changed because I realized the one who doesn’t bend breaks, and I changed because this is how Allah, the best of planners, had planned it to be.

Allah commands us to fulfill the rights of others, and in return, He SWT gives barakah in our time and makes it easier for us.

I realized life is not about living our lives according to our desires, but to surrender to what

Allah has decreed for us.

Yes, I did become a Ninja, but that's a story for another day.