When My Heart Felt Empty, He Called Me Back

Entry by: Ummama Gull

For: THE SUBMISSION JOURNAL

“Nemrah, how can you wear niqab and gloves in this scorching summer?”

I still remember asking her that question with genuine surprise.

I couldn’t understand how someone could choose discomfort in this heat.

But her answer? It shook something deep inside me.

We all go through phases in life when our relationship with Allah feels distant. We don’t feel the sweetness of prayer, we don’t know how to cry in front of Him, and we live life like a routine. Wake up, go to school, eat, scroll on our phones, sleep, and repeat.

There’s a strange emptiness, but we don't even realize we are missing something. That was me, completely unaware of how far I was from my Allah.

I was in grade 9 when Nemrah became my friend. We were very different. If she was calm water, I was more like uncontrollable fire. She was quiet, soft-spoken, and always seemed at peace. On the other hand, I was loud, restless, and always chasing the next thing.

Nemrah was the one who reminded me of my real purpose in life. She gently introduced me to a world I had never explored (the world of loving Allah) connecting with Him, and living for His sake. One day, she gave me a small booklet of morning and evening azkar and said, “Start reading these daily.” I smiled and said thank you, but honestly, I just placed it in my cupboard and never touched it again.

A few months later, she gave me a Mushaf (Quran) with Urdu translation and said, “Try reading with understanding. You’ll feel a difference.”

Again, I thanked her but didn’t open it for months. She knew I wasn’t reading anything, but she never gave up on me. She kept reminding me, sometimes with words, sometimes just with her actions. I don’t know what good she saw in me, but she never stopped hoping.

Then came the end of grade 10. We were giving our final exams, and I was waiting for the bus after school when I asked her, half-joking “I can’t even bear a dupatta properly, it feels so suffocating. How do you manage all this?”

Her answer stayed with me forever.

She looked at me with a calm smile and said,

“Duniya ki garmi seh kar, jahannum ki garmi se bach jaungi. Aur yeh sab sirf Allah ke liye.”

(I bear the heat of this world to save myself from the heat of Hell. And I do it only for Allah.)

Something clicked inside me.

For the next few months, her words echoed in my mind again and again.

Slowly, my heart began to soften.

One day after praying Asr, I suddenly burst into tears during dua. I didn’t even understand why I was crying, but I felt something break inside me. That same evening, I opened the Qur’an Nemrah gave me and began to read with translation.

For the first time in my life, the verses felt alive. It was like Allah was speaking directly to me.

That was the day my journey back to Him began.

I started praying all five prayers regularly. I began wearing the hijab, not just as a cloth on my head, but as a reminder of my identity. I returned to the azkar booklet, and those simple daily duas became a source of peace. I also started reading tafseer and learning about my Deen slowly, step by step.

This journey, though beautiful, is not always easy. It’s not a straight path. Some days, I feel like I’m spiritually flying. Other days, I feel so far from Allah that I don’t know how to return. But the difference now is that I know where to go. I know Who to turn to.

I’ve realized that distance from Allah doesn’t come all at once. It happens slowly, when we start ignoring the signs, skipping prayers, avoiding the Qur’an, and prioritizing the dunya. But coming back to Him? That happens the moment your heart calls out and He responds _even before you finish your dua.

I still struggle, but I now walk with the hope that Allah sees my efforts, even the smallest ones. In the end, it was not a big event or a miracle that brought me back. It was a sentence from a sincere friend, a few tears in a quiet prayer, and the power of the Qur’an that opened my heart.

And I pray that I never close that door again.

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The submission journal entries are submitted by the audience, and shared with their consent, without any major editing other than some spacing for readability. The purpose of these entries is to share our beautiful stories with others for inspiration.

Leave your feedback in the comments, if it reminded you of something profound, or just appreciate the writer for their courage to open up and share a part of their life.

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